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BY THE PRICKING OF MY THUMBS @ 01:12 pm
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tired
tiredCurrent Music: Jeepers Creepers
It's difficult to believe that another year has gone by and it's time once again for all things Halloween.
Each year, Matt & I kick off the season by visiting Middletown's "Land of Illusion". This year we were joined with our good friends John & Melissa. It was great to go with someone that hadn't been before.
Land of Illusion is a compound of haunts. It opens early in September, however, Matt & I never opt for the first weekend. It's usually too hot and we figure it's good for them to have the time to get the kinks out of the performances/mechanics. Last night the weather was clear and just on the cool side. A quick call to ensure they were operational after Ike's surprise appearance in Cincinnati and we were on our way.
Surprisingly, they were BUSY for so early in the season and we were directed to overflow parking. There was a small army of workers directing traffic and we payed our $3 & parked a good stretch of the legs away from the attraction.
LOI never rests on its laurels and it was evident from the new entrance that they had been busy making changes. While the price of $30 for all four haunts might seem stiff, I believe LOI is the best value for the buck for a standard haunt. We arrived around 10:15 - a quick question to the gal selling tickets about the length of the lines (2 hours) coupled with the crowded parking, prompted us to pay the extra $10 a piece for Express tickets. Total cost of all four haunts PLUS express tickets $40.00 per person.
Stepping inside the compound we saw the familiar collection of buildings & were again struck by the changes. The former entrance is now the exit and houses the gift shop in a bit of brilliant marketing strategy. A couple of mediocre musicians were performing in the shelter. The refreshment stand has its own building now and we headed for a quick bite to eat. The prices of food is rather stiff and it's pretty standard fare. Hot dogs, popcorn, nachos, pizza by the slice etc. A rather large fire would have been inviting, but any available (LIMITED) seating was taken. There was only ONE picnic table near the refreshment booth and it was full of teens drinking sodas. MORE picnic tables would be beneficial. Considering the price, quality of the food & LACK OF SEATING, I suggest grabbing a bite to eat BEFORE you arrive.
We made the choice of going to the Haunted Trail first. The opening here has changed as well and we set off wondering how the Express tickets were going to work. A short distance from the imposing skull gate was a sign directing regular tickets and Express tickets down their prospective paths. Our path winded along and we walked alone. Eventually, a rather large gap in the fence showed us what we were missing by not paying the extra $10. A large crowd on the other side of the fence waited their turn. This year LOI Trail boasts an impressive large screen with a movie projected to entertain patrons through their rather lengthy wait. COOL. THERE WE WERE at the front of the line basically because we had paid an extra 2.50 per haunt for the Express line. It was WORTH EVERY PENNY.
In each haunt we were quickly greeted by the ticket taker and we never waited more than a few minutes. There were several people waiting "on the threshold" and the guy that checked our tickets directed us to join that group. Here's my first MAJOR complaint: While the trail is great and I would guess the MOST popular of the four haunts, they jam TOO many people in a group. There is NO way actors can perform for that many people. This means the people in the back (if they are tall and lucky enough) are forced to live the experience vicariously through those in the front. Shorter patrons are S.O.L. Furthermore, if the people in front of you are easily scared and physical about it, you are forced to hang back to avoid being walked into as they reel backwards from fright. This proved to be the case on more than one occasion. Poor Matt was scolded by a lady in the body bag room that erroneously thought HE was pushing the bags into her. Big changes on the trail and some of them were pretty cool. The labyrinth of upright plastic coils was a neat effect.
While a lot had changed on the trail and there were some interesting effects, I admit that my overall impression was one of disappointment. The two school buses have been separated and now patrons are directed down separate paths. One of the actors in the junkyard should be paid double - he was that good. And yet, so much of the trail now incorporates buildings it has a more industrial feel to it. The scenes don't feel like there's any set up to the scare, rather, patrons are exposed to a constant BARRAGE of noise and the "feeling" of walking through the woods is gone, replaced instead by navigating through a collection of buildings. Perhaps Matt said it best when he commented that the trail is a collection of unrelated frights. There's no continuity, theme or relation from one part to the next. Don't get me wrong. For a haunt, the trail is still good and probably the best value for length (over a mile).
Next up we chose the "Killer Klowns" now in 3-D. This was a HUGE improvement over last year (although the ball pit is now gone AND I missed that). Once again we walked past the patrons waiting in the regular line - only this time we were exposed to some comments from those faced with a rather lengthy wait. I felt elitist AND IT WAS A GOOD FEELING. Arriving at the front of the line we were given 3-d glasses and told they would be collected at the end of the haunt. Major complaint: The cardboard glasses I was given were already well-worn and not being a great fit anyway, were DIFFICULT to keep on forcing me to constantly adjust them. The effect was FANTASTIC and LOI has done a lot to visually improve Killer Klowns. However, the glasses were SO flimsy, I eventually took them off and walked through without them. If you like vortex tunnels, (& I DO) this is YOUR haunt. I would suggest LOI spring for PLASTIC glasses if they are intent on reusing them.
By now, we had FULLY realized just how great the express tickets were. We headed for the "Temple of Doom" and again, the opening has changed. At first, we thought there wasn't much of a line, but stepping inside the gate we saw a HUGE structure filled with customers. Once again, we made our way down the express path - only now we were fully exposed by the short wall separating the two routes. If this were the French Revolution, I would have been fearful for my head. BUT HEY FOLKS, if you're seeing all four haunts it's $2.50 per haunt extra. We arrived at the front of the line. The ticket taker seemed rather disgruntled and asked how long the line was. Hey hombre, it's YOUR JOB, business is GOOD & it's EARLY in the season. I heard him offer an apology to the group that would have been next and one of the kids said, "Hey, I've been waiting an hour-and-a-half, what's 5 more minutes?" Okay - that might have made me feel bad - except for the fact that we were giddy with our $2.50 up charge. Again, WORTH EVERY PENNY.
This haunt had changed the least. It relies heavily on animatronics but they are IMPRESSIVE to say the least. There are some live actors and visually, this is an attractive haunt with a "mummy" type of theme.
Last but not least, we moved on to the final haunt of the evening, "Dr. Psycho's Horror Estate". I probably don't need to mention the thrill of moving to the front of the line. In this haunt, you thread through a path with a large old house looming in the near distance. I believe this path has been extended this year and it's great. Inside the house there have been a few changes as well. Impressive actors and animatronics along with an eery heartbeat soundtrack that dominates the first part of the house makes this haunt one of my favorites.
Completing the final haunt we realized we would, in all likelihood, still be waiting in the line for the trail except for the express option. It took us just about an 1.5 hours from start to finish. We exited through the gift shop and they've made a lot of improvements there as well offering more and BETTER t-shirts, hoodies, hats, candy & souvenirs.
Land of Illusion Kudos: GREAT bang for the buck. LOTS of scary eye-candy with IMPRESSIVE animatronics but ADEQUATE live actors, too. The headless horseman on the trail has got to be seen to be believed. There is a rather "industrial" feel to the trail - gone is the SIMPLE scare and good set up. Still, it's worth the trip. The fact that they make changes EVERY year makes it a good choice for an annual visit. The express lane may SOUND dreadful. You're basically paying to check in line. But hey, over the years in line I've been exposed to kids smoking weed and one particular group of teens that had mouths so filthy that NOTHING could be as scary as them one day filling my gas tank or frying my burger. Okay - It's official. I'm old.
WISH LIST: Hey - run a shuttle from the far parking lot. THERE'S PLENTY of walking in store for patrons. $3 a pop to park - they can afford a SHUTTLE. Have some quieter scares on the trail - a LITTLE dead space would build up the anticipation for the next scare. As it is now, it is OVERKILL. MORE THAN SIX in a group on the trail CHEATS those in the back & they MISS A LOT. MORE places to sit for those willing to pay the hefty food prices. Finally, you know there's a theme to ALL the haunts EXCEPT the trail and while it is, in my opinion, the best of them, it could benefit from a theme and a bit of down time. Let the woods, the dark, and quiet play a SMALL part of this haunt. Oh, and I missed the loon soundtrack.
OVERALL - I'd give this haunt an 8 out of 10.
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